Encourage their dreams

I went to a memorial service for my dear friend's daughter today.  If there is something more heartbreaking than losing a child, I don't want to know about it.  I now know two people dear to me that have lost a child and I can only imagine how terrible that pain is - because I know how awful I feel as I remember the life lost 15 years ago, and how helpless I feel as I try to comfort my friend today and going forward.

But today's service was a celebration for a young woman that truly embraced all life had to offer.  While I wasn't fortunate to know Holly well personally, I am inspired by her.  All I've learned about her through her Mom, her travel blog and the words of her friends make me realize that to live without regrets is to live without limiting your imagination.

You see, Holly grabbed life by the horns.  She loved to travel - and so she did.  Her sense of adventure was legion.  One of Holly's friends said she encouraged them to dream with their eyes wide open.  I love that.  She spent the last six months traveling Asia after the job in China (teaching English as a second language) didn't turn out exactly how she had planned.  So she rode elephants, worked on an organic farm, interacted with people from around the world and smiled the whole time.  Many people comment on Holly's engaging green eyes.  But for me, her smile lit up her face and made everything around her glow with the light inside.

As I reflect on Holly's short 25 years, I realize there have been times I've given up on my dreams.  Or not done something because it wouldn't be wise.  Or backed away from doing something that would make me happy because it didn't fit into my schedule.  But most disconcerting is the realization that I have the power to stifle my children's dreams.  My "knowledge" of the real world and its realities are no reason to give them the idea that it's OK to back away from their dreams, but sometimes I do. 

If my daughter says she wants to play basketball in college and study to be a dolphin trainer, then I need to find ways to help her move in that direction - not tell her why it may not happen.  Likewise, if my son has it planned out to play football and baseball for the Georgia Bulldogs, then you know what?  Go for it.  Too often I respond to their dreams by telling them how hard it will be or listing all of the obstacles they will face. While it's important for them to know all of this, it will happen in due time.  I don't need to disillusion them now.  In my mind, I'm preparing them so they won't be disappointed.  That's the Mom in me wanting to protect them.  But I'm beginning to see that the thrill of the chase - and the dream itself - are part of the fun and to take that from them will make them miss out on a lot of exciting things.

So, I am going to remember Holly when I feel the need to temper expectations.  I am going to remember a woman that understood that our life here is short - no matter what our age.  Life needs to be lived like the grand adventure it is.  Thank you, Holly.  See you on the other side.

Ode to Toomer's Corner

I am by no means an Auburn fan.  However, the poisoning of the oaks at Toomer's Corner is a truly despicable act.  And I'm not alone in my disbelief.  This malicious act has brought together fans across the board.  Yes, even Alabama fans have expressed regret and outrage that one of their own would stoop so low. 

If you haven't heard the story, an Alabama fan poisoned the trees by spreading a large amount of an herbicide around the base of the trees.  Horticulturists don't expect the trees to live.  These 100+ year old trees are going to die and thousands of fans will no longer be able to throw toilet paper on the branches after a big win by the Tigers.  This tradition is about 60 years old by most estimates.  And those trees were BIG when the tradition started.  You just can't replace them over night.

As a University of Illinois graduate, I have suffered through the (unfair) removal of Chief Illiniwek as our symbol.  I was at the University of Georgia's Sanford Stadium when Georgia Tech players stripped the Hedges bare after an upset win.  There was justifiable outrage on both accounts.   They pale to the premeditated killing of these majestic trees by A RIVAL FAN.  Now, I personally think it's silly to throw toilet paper at a tree as a way of celebrating a win.  I remember cleaning up rolled trees, so I feel for the unfortunate person assigned to clean up the mess.  But here's the thing.  It's a tradition.  Traditions bind us through generations in everything from sports to religion (although to some it's one and the same).  Like the cadet and midshipmen parade before the Army-Navy game, the dotting of the "i" during the Ohio State pregame, or the midnight yell at Texas A&M, traditions are what you look forward to, what you know and what you can cherish with people of all generations.

For those of you that are saying "it's just a tree, get over it," you're right.  It's not the loss of a parent or a child.  And there is no heartache like that.  But, I also feel sorry for you because you obviously have never felt so passionate about something that you could find happiness in celebrating the richness of a time-honored tradition or the quickening of your heart when you heard a familiar song.

I don't want my children to be too over the top in supporting a sports team, or anything else for that matter.  But I do think it's important to find something that is bigger than you and joins you with others, to celebrate and cheer.  We don't live in an isolated world - we are meant to be social.  The miserable person who killed Toomer's Corner, along with a little bit of joy in college football, clearly was never taught that it is in fact just a game, that differences are OK, and that you can respect and enjoy others' traditions without switching allegiances.  In fact, shooting those traditions down - or in this case killing them - will only make the passions stronger.